A Cosmologist (shaking reality and common sense)

My initial intent was to understand what lies beyond the observable. For some reason I always thought Cosmology would be the closest to this purpose. I was, let's say, kind of right.

As I graduated as the only Mathematician and Physicist in my promotion, I took a scholarship offered to me in the UK, for doing my MSc in Cosmology. It was a dream coming true.

After 8 years of switching, creating, editing and erasing my career paths, I finally found my way to Cosmology. I arrived to UK, with all the uncertainty of living in an unknown land, with probably different cultural beliefs, conceptions and so on. Being the first colombian studying a Cosmology MSc. and one of the few 7 Physicists and Mathematicians in the country (some of them older than me), I liked to think I had some responsibility on my shoulders. The feeling was supported by a known local Magazine (Revista Credencial) that interviewed me for a special edition highlighting some rather weird people, that studied a lot and was somehow achieving their dreams.

I thought I may not respond to the initially thought British High education standards. As a matter of fact, initially I could not get into Cambridge or Oxford because "my GPA was too low". This was due to the horrible grade conversion system, where it is assumed education is not as good as in Britain. This assumption is false.

I got into Sussex, at that time third in the British Physics rankings. I now had world expert cosmologist Andrew Liddle close to me almost all of the time. British people outside London is kind and always give a smile to overseas foreigners, the opposite to what the government does. I'm sorry to write this but...the MSc. subjects were:

1. Easy.
2. Superficial.
3. Not motivating.
4. In a few aspects, irrelevant.
5. Not different in other british university.

I found I was the only one thinking like this, among my peers, what a huge surprise!

On the other hand, I had the opportunity to work with Mr. Liddle and Mark Hindmarsh, both known Cosmologists, in a pretty interesting topic: GR Renormalization group corrections for accounting late universe inflation.

Despite the subjects and their characteristics and since I wanted to do my PhD in Oxford, I had to plant myself on a chair 24/7 in order to get everything perfect, more on this (spiritual-academic) experience later. I got the MaCrea award to the best MSc. student that year and got the higher grades and the best research (results of my Msc. research later).

As I returned to my country, results were in order. First of all I got a government grant (lots of money for a student) to do a PHD wherever I wanted in the world, in whatever field I wanted, for whatever reason. Second, after applying to Oxford , I was offered a place for the PhD. Third, Marie Curie called me one morning stating I had been given a quite generous research grant I applied to, something I really, really, truly, don't remember doing, I swear!

Before you start thinking I'm really greedy, let me put all this in context.

I was born in a third world country, where everyone wants to live abroad, but no one wants to make an effort for living abroad, or being millionaire, or whatever ambition dictates. In Colombia, narcotraffic in the 90's seeded a tendency of easy money, which is still painfully damaging to the country. I'll write more about this later on. The average salary in my home country is well below the european Phd. ones, but the cost of life in Bogotá (where I live) is one of the most amazingly expensive in the world. On the other hand, all my undergrad peers were now in Waterloo, Princeton, Cornell, Caltech, Berkley, Max Planck Institute, etc...

Now that I feel more humble, let me tell you I was truly feeling that:

1. My education in Colombia was Soooooo much better and that, even more, Oxford and Cambridge were ridicule dismissing my MSc. application.

2. I learned much more than necessary, if I really wanted to do research in Cosmology.

3. Cosmology is almost a science.

4. Students in developed countries don't study that much.

5. Life in the UK rocks.

6. I wanted to contribute in my country, for children in my country and future generations.

7. This might not be my path.

8. Maybe I'll say no to everyone.

Wait....whaat?? not my path??? Seriosly???? no to everyone??? Am I ok???

Reality likes to tell me this is just the beginning of an exciting path, but I'm most of all, concerned about how responsible my decision was and how much I might be missing right now, you know, the "should not enjoy your life" feeling.

I'll write about this decision and its spiritual roots. My next post will be about my experience as an entrepreneur .

Wait....whaat?? Seriosly???? Are you ok???

Oh dear, what an exciting life.